im having a threesome with these popsicles
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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