I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
