I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
