Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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