So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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