Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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