I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
