It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize