Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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