Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
