It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
