i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
