last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
