Jerry, you need to find god
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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