I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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