He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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