I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
