i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
