Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dicks are not precious.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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