dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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