their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Soap is not a condiment
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
