she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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