I'm pants shitting drunk right now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
