well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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