im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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