there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
