She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
