Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
