Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
