K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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