Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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