she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize