i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
