so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
