You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
