It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
