she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
