I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
