I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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