Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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