some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
