Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
