i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize