I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize