porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
