How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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