she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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