HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
