You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
