i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My vagina just recognized that song.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
