Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize