the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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