No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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