apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
