he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry about my life...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
