Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
