If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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