i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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