I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
