I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
