you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
