I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
