there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
