If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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