I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
