Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
