Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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