yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
