oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
