Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
