well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
