You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
