what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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