I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
