NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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