He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
