that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
