those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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