I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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