it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
