I just saw a hot homeless man
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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