I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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