I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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