I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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