I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
