I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
