Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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