I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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