I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
