Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
