Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
