He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im holly from the hills drunk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize