It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
